At the beginning of every new year, after the celebration dust has settled, we have a tendency to set new goals to achieve or resolutions to abide by. The top 3 goals for each new year appear to be either to advance in career or change careers, to get fit and/or have better relationships, whether it’s finding love or improving the relationship you are already in.
If you’re looking for love, what do you think kept you single in 2017? There can be many reasons; some are quite easy to figure out and others may be based on our own perceptions. There is also an aspect which we have all been guilty of at some point in our past – stereotyping. When we do this, we are not considering this person as relationship material because of the certain stereotype you align with the individual, therefore ruling out another possibility.
This blog is to identify and alleviate 10 of the stereotype dating myths (it was hard to stop at 10, I could’ve easily kept going!) to relieve your mind and ensure you date better in 2018.
MYTH NUMBER ONE: ALL HOT WOMEN ARE CRAZY, NUTTERS, HIGH MAINTENANCE ETC.
We’ve all seen the Crazy/Hot Matrix right? For those of you who have no idea what I’m talking about, it’s actually quite self explanatory; the hotter you are, the crazier you are (apparently). Ridiculous, right?
There is absolutely NO correlation to the level of craziness and attractiveness. The latter also only applies to the eye of the beholder. If you find someone really hot, but your friend doesn’t find them hot, how would this so-called Matrix work? Exactly, it doesn’t. The common trait we refer to as ‘crazy’ in the dating world is more associated with having unrealistic expectations and a lack of control over your emotions – which I can assure you, is not limited to only ‘hot girls’. Emotional attention seekers come in all shapes and sizes, both male and female!
MYTH NUMBER TWO: ONCE A CHEATER, ALWAYS A CHEATER
Again, incorrect. Just because you have had an infidelity in the past, doesn’t mean you are constantly going to return to the scene of the crime. In addition, if you judge others on their indiscretions and rule them out as a potential partner due to their past mistakes, you yourself are getting stuck in the past. Just because someone has cheated once, there is no actual evidence to prove they will do it again or do it to you.
MYTH NUMBER THREE: TREAT ‘EM MEAN, KEEP ‘EM KEEN
Surely nobody is still doing this?! A couple of weeks ago, I overheard a conversation between some young guys and I just smiled and thought to myself ‘Are you kidding me? You actually believe treating a girl mean will keep her keen?’
This is DEFINITELY a myth! However, being aloof and playing hard to get (slightly) can be attractive for the females, especially when they’re determining the Alpha-dominance, however, treating someone mean to keep them attracted to you is not going to last long or help you keep the girl. It won’t be long before she realises you’re a jerk!
MYTH NUMBER FOUR: MEN SHOULD MAKE THE FIRST MOVE
If he’s interested in me then he should come and get me right? No wrong!! Sometimes, men don’t pick up on women’s cues to know if she’s interested or attracted or not, often playing hard to get backfires and any attraction a man had slowly fade. Being confident and asking the man out on the first date, going in for the first kiss, or paying for something first can actually be quite refreshing for the man and liberating for the women. This DOESN’T MEAN the woman does all the chasing, but women shouldn’t expect men to always make the first move with everything.
MYTH NUMBER FIVE: MEN WHO HAVE NOT BEEN MARRIED BEFORE THE AGE OF 45, HAVE COMMITMENT ISSUES
I always wonder why it’s the men who are labelled ‘commitaphobics’ if they haven’t been married before a certain age more so than the women. You very rarely hear men describe a woman as a ‘commitaphobe’, it’s largely a label women used for men, so again, massive stereotype.
Don’t confuse the reason someone hasn’t be married as commitment issues they could just as well be trust issues, or the man may not have met someone and fallen in love with her enough to want to get married OR (newsflash!) he might not even believe in conventional marriage. Alleviate the myth of having ‘commitment issues’ just because someone made the choice not to get married, it is as simply stated, a myth you need to lose.
MYTH NUMBER SIX: WOMEN ONLY DATE OLDER MEN FOR THEIR MONEY
Well this is assuming all older men HAVE money, which we all know is not the case. Women genuinely looking for love, don’t ever just choose one quality in a person to date them – if we did, no one would be single! Women have lists – and if a women just so happens to be dating a man who is older than her, there will be many reasons (or qualities on her List) as to why she is dating him. Sure, financial security MAY be one of them, but it’s certainly not the only reason. Not all women dating older men are gold diggers!
MYTH NUMBER SEVEN: GUYS ONLY WANT TO DATE SLIM WOMEN
As a Matchmaker for over 20 years, I can tell you, this is NOT correct! Some men like slim ladies, some like short, some like tall, blondes, brunettes, curvy, good legs, cuddly… The list goes on! Don’t confuse what men actually want with what magazines and societal pressure dictates as being attractive.
Men want to meet women who have good self-esteem and look after themselves, but not all men are looking for a Size 6. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but it is a myth if you are stereotyping men to care only about your body shape and think your weight is the only reason as to why you are essentially single. It’s your confidence, attitude, sex appeal and personality which will attract the right guy.
MYTH NUMBER EIGHT: WOMEN NEVER CHOOSE THE NICE GUY, THEY ALWAYS CHOOSE THE A**HOLE
Nice guys do not come last! If you’re a nice guy and you think women don’t go for nice guys, whether you’re nice or not, actually has nothing to do with who women choose. Women don’t say to themselves ‘I’m just going to go and find an a**hole today, because I just love not being treated right!’ – this is not how women think!
If you’re a nice guy and you think you’re always coming last, this actually has nothing to do with the way you treat women and the fact you’re kind, considerate and thoughtful. NEVER lose those qualities, but perhaps look at the real reason which could be your confidence and how you see yourself, rather than your perception of women’s preferences to men who will treat them poorly.
MYTH NUMBER NINE: WOMEN WHO ARE SMART AND BEAUTIFUL, HAVE NO PROBLEMS MEETING SOMEONE. IT’S EASY FOR THEM!
This is essentially stereotyping love and people in general. It doesn’t matter what you look like, finding love is just as difficult and as big a journey for everyone who genuinely wants to find it. Just because someone is good looking – doesn’t make it easier. There will always be challenges and obstacles in the way until the right person comes along no matter how beautiful you are!
MYTH NUMBER TEN: MEN ARE INTIMIDATED BY SUCCESSFUL WOMEN
A lot of women have the perception or stereotype the “I’m powerful and successful with a great career are men are intimidated by me.” Stereotyping men as weak. This is incorrect. Men are NOT intimidated by a woman’s success, in actual fact, most men find it a turn-on! What women get confused about is it’s not the success of their careers, it’s more about bringing feminine in the relationship. Women who are powerful and successful often look for a partner with the same qualities. Men however who are the Alpha male, don’t want someone to COMPETE with they have this competition Everyday. Successful women are in control of their lives, their finances, their homes etc Allowing the control to spill over into relationships will have a man running for the door. So, bringing some femininity to the relationship creates balance to the masculine.
In conclusion, lose these stereotypes (obviously)! They do not help anyone when it comes to dating. Open your mind and open your heart, just because your thought patterns are a perceiving someone stereotypically, doesn’t mean you should stereotype them completely and shut them off – conquer these thought processes and date better in 2018!
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Until next week.
Wishing you love, always,
Louanne Ward x