Heading into Christmas and the New Year it is natural to reflect on the year that was and the goals you set for yourself, if one of those goals was to meet someone so you didn’t spend another Christmas alone or if this is the first Christmas you are spending after a break up it can be particularly hard. Looking around seeing everybody else loved up while you go home to the same 4 walls can trigger the brain into action about how to solve the problem. It is always a perfect time to meet someone but, in the quest to get out of singledom in the festive season it’s important to stop, take check on your actions and the longer-term effects they may have of your emotional well-being.
Do’s and don’ts for finding love this festive season.
- Don’t Desperate Date. Yes, you want a date or at least a glimmer of hope that on New Year’s Eve you might be kissing someone. Trying to break a world record of how many Apps you can be on and how many dates you have won’t increase your chances. The more dates you go on the less present you are on the date. Thinking about the next date you are going on while you are still on a date, meeting more than one person every couple of days, spending all your spare time dating, dropping plans with friends to get out on a date are all warning signs you are becoming desperate.
- Don’t rush sex, it’s easy to get carried away at this time of year, drinking too much which also blurs the lines, the truth is sleeping with someone thinking it will make them like you more is not the case. Be mindful of Christmas Party hookups which could potentially have you left to doing the walk of shame.
- Don’t get comfortable with the uncomfortable – by this, I mean staying at home instead of going out. Resigning yourself to the way it is, using excuses of no family, breakups etc. as a reason you feel down in only going to make you feel worse. Be comfortable with uncomfortable invites and environments, new places, new faces, new opportunities. Having the strength to show vulnerability is empowering and sexy.
- Take time to appreciate the positive aspects of your life, your health, friends, family, your home, the country you live in, the weather, your work. The more time you spend appreciating the things you have the more you’ll have to appreciate.
- Take responsibility for your wellbeing and happiness – do things to make you feel good. Fill your own bucket, be honest with people when they ask what you are doing over the holidays tell them you are on your own, let them know if they have a spare ticket or they need a hand you can be called upon.
- Get off the couch and into reality. Have some fun, say yes to all invitations.
- Set goals – I’m talking mini goals and tasks. Challenge yourself and start achieving. It could be finding other single people to share Christmas with, planting a veggie patch, getting a new hairstyle, cleaning the garage, taking up a new hobby, setting goals for next year. Whatever it is set things that are achievable now and work towards achieving them.