Being a dating and relationship coach for over 25 years, when it comes to this time of year, I am always asked the same common questions: “Louanne, just what is YOUR opinion on Valentine’s Day? Should we celebrate it? What even IS love?” First of all, I don’t really have an opinion on Valentine’s Day, I don’t really have a ‘designated’ day with the person I love. Sure, I gladly accept gifts and flowers (which woman wouldn’t?) but there are 365 days in year to show your affection to your special person, not just limited to one day.
WHAT DOES VALENTINE’S DAY MEAN TO YOU?
Is it a day for romance or is it just commercial bullsh*t? Quite often, your partner may not agree with your views on Valentine’s Day, and this can cause all sorts of problems, so much so, that a week after Valentine’s Day is the second highest time for relationship breakdowns with two weeks before Christmas being the other most popular time for break-ups.
DON’T BECOME A STATISTIC!
I’m not making this a gender related post as it’s not always the case, but to keep it simple, when we have expectations, a lot of men perceive Valentine’s Day to be commercial rubbish – overpriced flowers, over the top dinners – they just don’t want to buy into it, whereas a lot of women spend a lot of time comparing with what other women receive to what they would love their partner to do and how they don’t feel special if their partner doesn’t make a gesture, no matter how simple or how grand.
Sadly, this can cause a disconnect in relationship, but way more so than it needs to. When you make a decision to love somebody, you need to understand what love is, in the first place, because love is actually giving. It’s not giving with the expectation of receiving, it’s not comparing your relationship, it’s simply giving.
HOW CAN WE GIVE LOVE?
If you’re single, you can still give your love. A smile, a hug, a kind gesture or kind word, this is all love which can be given freely. If you’re in a relationship, allow your partner to love you the way THEY know how, not love you not the way you expect them to with your values.
Having open discussions about how you may feel in a relationship, is extremely important. This doesn’t mean your partner is automatically going to perform the way you want them to, but you need to be clear and understand that sometimes your partner will raise you up, sometimes they might put you down, sometimes they might criticize or praise you – you’re going to get equal opposites! Sometimes there’s pleasure in a relationship, sometimes there’s pain and these all go hand in hand when you decide to love someone.
Allow your heart to be open and don’t expect your partner to do exactly what you want to do, just enjoy the day for what it is and honour your relationship 365 days of the year. You made the decision to be with this person so accept them for who they are so grow together and keep your communication open!
For those of you who are in relationships and may be experiencing ‘relationship fatigue’ and feeling disconnected, the answer isn’t to end what you have and become a statistic, the answer is to find ways to get out of the relationship fatigue which I can help you to do. Connect with me, whether it’s via my website or social media (my new business Emotive Health is now live!) and I can give your relationship a little check-up and together we can look at some strategies to being the life, fun, love and connection back into your relationship.
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Until next week.
Wishing you love, always,
Louanne Ward x